Here is a new approach to dealing with difference that is well worth looking into. It’s about sitting down and talking about things.

(Photo by Jason Weston)

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Dear friends, I want to share with each of you the flavor of my latest project, “Let’s Talk America”, and invite you to engage with me (and thousands of others) in this rolling inquiry into what’s really on the minds of “We-the-people”. My secret hope is that in a year’s time we can compare notes on how our Let’s Talk America” conversations went - what surprised, delighted, confused or inspired us. So here’s the game...

If you had a chance to sit down with, say, Rush Limbaugh (if you’re liberal) or the folks at MoveOn (if you’re conservative) – and the rules of engagement were to speak from the heart, listen with respect and use no attack or defense language or diatribes – what questions would you ask to better understand their point of view? What questions would you want them to ask you – and really listen to what you say? No evangelizing. No vilifying. No gaping fish-like when they assert what you vehemently disagree with. Down, boys and girls. This is “Let’s Talk America”.

If you assumed that “they” were bred on the same American ideals of freedom, democracy and justice you were, that “they” believe in “government of by and for the people,” and that their actions – which you might find incomprehensible or reprehensible – are their expression of those values, what would you ask? Would you be willing to learn something new? Would you be willing to leave such a meeting ground – a place where you just show up with no need to agree or do anything different – saying, “Hmmmm, I never thought of it that way?” This is “Let’s Talk America”.

I remember one time deciding to rid myself of a deep-seated prejudice by attending meetings of the very people who made my skin crawl. I felt like a trained coyote in a chicken yard. It is very, very, very hard to be open and accepting when everything in you wants to run or attack. Yet somehow, in pressing my own buttons again and again, all the bile drained out and I now sincerely enjoy every chance I get to be with this crowd.

Thomas Jefferson said,”I believe in perilous liberty over quiet servitude.”

Do you ever have heart-to-hearts with anyone who – because of politics, culture, age or other difference – doesn’t think like you? On a long journey by train or plane. In a waiting room. Or a bar. Or recall, perhaps, a company picnic, block party or family reunion. Of course there are people “not like you” present. You grill some chicken and hotdogs, dance, play with the kids and then maybe drift into politics. Even if you disagree, you’d probably give them a listen over cole-slaw, and possibly even hazard speaking your own mind – politely.

“Let’s Talk America” seeks to restore faith in our democracy, build trust between us and give us a sense, once again, that the voices of “We the People” matter. We are doing this by inviting thousands of Americans – whatever their views – to engage in simple, open conversations, in small or large groups, about what America is and could be. Any conversation about democracy in America – among two people, ten, a hundred or more – is an LTA conversation if it’s:

Inclusive – all people and all perspectives welcome

Non-partisan – bring your views, but no lobbying for your causes, candidates, movements or parties

Respectful – having a host and “ground rules” will assure that everyone has a chance to be heard

Open – new information, new ideas, new insights, new people, new possibilities

If you just want to attend, go to www.LetsTalkAmerica.org, (link below), type in your zip code and find a conversation near you (this feature will be up by early April). If you are more daring, consider starting one yourself. Invite a few friends over, or offer (via a sign-up on the website, http://connect.letstalkamerica.org/join/ – Link below) to host a conversation among neighbors at your home or a local café. You get (also via the website) the simple Conversation Café Process and Agreements that will allow the exchange to go deep and get far-ranging – even if folks don’t see things the same way. Use them. They really work. You are also welcome to use any other structure for dialogue that has a beginning, middle and end, that guarantees that all voices will be heard (and no one voice heard too much!) and that truly welcomes all points of view.

You can ask the questions I asked you in the first paragraph – what are you curious to know and yearning to say if you could talk safely with people “not like you?” Or you can use questions like:

How are the ideals of America your own ideals?

What does America mean to you?

Tell about a time when you made a difference in your community? What would it be like if your voice mattered?

When have you had an experience where you felt, “This is what democracy looks like”?

What is the America you’d want for future generations?

At the end, if you want to do it again, ask, “Who isn’t here whose ideas we’d love to hear?” Each person then takes on to invite someone to the next conversation who they suspect thinks differently from themselves. This is important. It stretches you to look outside your opinion bubble and right into the heart of this diverse and divided nation. And people are more likely to come if they are invited by someone who really wants them there. Too many of us send out press releases or post flyers (that have all our demographic’s jargon) and wonder why only people like us show up. If we are going to find out what’s on the mind of “We-the-people” we really need to get over the fear of talking to “the other.”

Terry Tempest Williams said, “DEMOCRACY INVITES US TO TAKE RISKS. It asks that we vacate the comfortable seat of certitude... We are nothing but whiners if we are not willing to put our concerns and convictions on the line with a willingness to honestly listen and learn something beyond our own assumptions. In the open space of democracy there is room for differences. Democracy can also be messy and chaotic.... But we can engage in spirited conversation, cherishing the vitality of the struggle...

Of course, after the next conversation you can ask the same “Who isn’t here” question and by this round you’ll likely have enough people to need a slightly different process (help for larger groups will also soon be on www.LetsTalkAmerica.org – Link below).

We request that you fill out a simple report form on the website after each conversation and become part of the rolling research project, results of which will be reported on the web and in journals, magazines, newsletters and the news. Our final discoveries will appear in a report that goes to our so-called leaders so they can actual hear the voices of “We-the-People.”

So, why bother?

First, all great change begins in conversation – from the American Revolution to the Women’s Movement. Second, thinking that conversation that doesn’t lead to a product or action is useless is like thinking that sex that doesn’t lead to babies is useless. The most important moments in our lives – the ones that change us forever – likely happened unbidden, at the margins of the central intent, and may seem at first blush insignificant.

Third, us LTA folks suspect that people across the political map are fed up with partisan mud-slinging and lies. Of course we feel passionately about our issues and want them to prevail, but our consciences balk at demonizing people who see things different. Just for once, give your heart a chance to trump your head. Give “them” a listen. Trust “them” enough with your truth.

Fourth, a spirited conversation where differences are held in a context of respect gives power to the people. It inspires greater engagement on behalf of what each person hold’s dear. It overcomes apathy and ignorance. It answers the question, “Democracy, why bother?” For those who think, “Why vote, when it’s just giving power to people who do not give power back to us?” it gives a reason to register and go to the polls. And it’s something you can actually do.

Finally, this activity is what is really required for our long-term survival. For millions of years of human history, survival has depended on us banding together for protection and food production with “our people” – and defending our territory from “them.” The American Experiment presumes that a different way is possible. We all came from somewhere else (even Native Americans, if you go back far enough, who theoretically crossed the Bering Straights) – yet we are charged with living together in peace. Diverse peoples must share the same territory and the same set of laws if not assumptions and ideas. Globalization of information, transportation, production, consumption and refugees seeking a better life now demands this evolution to cooperation world-wide.

We weren’t bred for this. So it’s quite understandable that we take our aggressions out on school-yard weaklings, on competing sports teams, on politicians from “the other party” and, unfortunately, on war against evil-doers. Think of “Let’s Talk America” – and the stretch it asks you to take – as calisthenics for “fitness” in the world as it now is. Democracy isn’t a spectator sport. You’re either in the game or have no voice. And the game must be dialogue without diatribe or we’ll stay stalled, impotent and frustrated. Politics is no picnic – yet – but through you it can look more like grilling chicken and vegetables together while shooting the breeze... and less like a belly-butting, finger-pointing ideological debate.

Eleanor Roosevelt said, “Either we are going to die together, or we are going to learn to live together. And if we are going to live together, we have to talk.”

It’s a little like a Field of Dreams. If you build it – and invite them - they will come. Beyond your warm, personal invitation, other things help. Like “doughnuts” – or whatever food treats you’ll all enjoy before, during and after your conversation. Like letting people know they are getting in on the ground floor of something that’s gonna spread across this great land. Like telling them about the other wonderful folks they’ll meet. Like making sure they know that what they say – with privacy respected – will be part of a national research project to discover what’s on the minds of “We the People.” If they aren’t there, their point of view will be missing from the findings. “Let’s Talk America” seeks answers by asking questions that matter to the people present.

Heck, I’d come for any one of those reasons. Wouldn’t you? It just takes people willing to get the ball rolling and host LTA conversations. So I am inviting you to at least consider what it would be like to join in this learning lab for democracy – whether as a guest or host. Think now of a a few friends or group you are part of and think what it would be like to try out a LTA conversation with them and see where it goes. Maybe your family would want to do it over dinner. What if you invited a few folks on your block? LTA isn’t just for Liberals or College Grads or City Dwellers or the Civic-minded. There’s a group of old guys who’ve collectively built a huge model railroad who are going to have an LTA conversation. LTA is for us. We-the-People. Whoever that turns out to be.

Tom Atlee said, “I see dialogue-among-diversity as the primary source of the wisdom we need to build a wiser, more co-intelligent democracy and thereby sustainable, just societies. All other sources of wisdom provide insights that can be fed into that dialogue, but the dialogue, itself, seems most basic to me.”

I’ll send out updates to you on what’s happening nationally from time to time. Feel free to share this email with anyone you think might be interested. As always, it’s great to share this adventure called Life with you! Blessings, Vicki A story for those inclined: In the Babemba tribe of South Africa, when a person acts irresponsibly or unjustly, he is placed in the center of the village, alone and unfettered. All work ceases, and every man, woman and child in the village gathers in a large circle around the accused individual. Then each person in the tribe speaks to the accused, one at a time, about all the good things the person in the center of the circle has done in his lifetime. Every incident, every experience that can be recalled with any detail and accuracy is recounted. All his positive attributes, good deeds, strengths and kindnesses are recited carefully and at length. The tribal ceremony often lasts several days. At the end, the tribal circle is broken, a joyous celebration takes place, and the person is symbolically and literally welcomed back into the tribe. ————————————– Vicki Robin New Road Map Foundation P.O. Box 15981 Seattle, WA 98115

(206) 527-0437

Lets Talk America Your Money of Your Life Conversation Cafe Simplicity Forum New Road Map

Even if our own mouths were as full of song as the sea, And our lips as full of praise as the breaths of Heaven, Our eyes as bright as the sun, Our hands as outstretched as the eagles of the sky, And our feet as swift as gazelles, We could not thank You enough.

– Jewish prayer